Sunbeams In A Spell
by MissKitty4Adam
Summary: His younger brother, a Swedish children's rhyme and a secret memory—together, will all of these variables be enough to bring hope to an injured and paralyzed man? WHIB for "The Triangle" episode.


As if it were a whisper of finality, the bedroom door closed quietly upon his pa and the doctor. The room, clouded with the doom of an overcast day, left Adam feeling alone… indescribably alone in both thought and body. Lying in bed and flat on his back, unable to rise up on his paralyzed legs quite possibly for the rest of his life, Adam stared at the wood ceiling with eyes the color of autumn maple syrup. Those _recherché_ irises, in the past said to be soulful by some observers and unfeeling by others, were misted over…proving both points of view correct as his emotions were mirrored in them.

He didn't know what to feel…what to think…what to plan for. Strange in more ways than one, his first coherent thought wasn't about his fiancée but about her daughter. How could Peggy, sweet Peggy, ever hold her head up high when she had an invalid parent stuck in a wheelchair at home, useless and idle? How could she begin to cope with or understand the cruel pokes made to her by future classmates about her crippled stepfather? As for Laura…his dewy eyelashes caressing his cheeks, Adam knew that he couldn't begin to hold her to her promise of marriage. There would be nothing that he could offer…no security, no independent life…quite possibly, no children. He would have to let mother and daughter go…let them both go, to find happiness elsewhere…without himself.

The door opened with a scrape on the floor and Adam's eyes darted to glance and see who had entered. Upon seeing his youngest brother, he turned his face away, pulling his covers up higher to his bare chest. Seeing his lean, muscular and handsome little brother, _standing_ there looking on in seeming pity, was the final dagger twisted into the injured man's heart.

"Adam? I…"

"Please, go away, Joe…I want to be alone…"

Though Joe couldn't see his brother's face, the catching tone told him that Adam's words were not meant personally, that anyone _walking_ into the room would get the same response. Out of respect, the younger man backed out of his brother's angst and clicked the door shut.

Adam returned his watery gaze to the ceiling, knowing that soon he would have memorized every hairline crack in the pinewood and would know every imperfection in the grain. A single, solitary bead of moisture explored it's jaunty way down his stoic left cheek. He wondered how this situation could ever be corrected, how his body would ever be restored to its full strength to leave him able to live a full life.

All at once, he felt too tired to comprehend the problem and felt the overpowering angel of sleep reaching out its comforting arms to him. Drifting into oblivion, Adam was transported into a long-suppressed event surfacing in the form of an out-of-body dream…..

The small family's daylong travel stopped for the night after many miles of successful journeying had been achieved. The two wagons halted for the evening, one belonging to Ben Cartwright and the other to a couple of trappers. Ben went off a short distance to try to hunt some small game down along with the trappers, a father and son, he had met earlier that day and who had joined his lone wagon on its way cross-country.

Nine-year-old Adam was reminded to cut wood, as was his assigned task each night, for the ever-present fire needed for cooking and warmth. The overcast weather hadn't fostered a happy mood in him all day and having to do this chore yet again boiled his restless spirit. He wasn't sure why but he felt so alone and isolated, wanting to be anywhere then where he existed at that moment. Angrily, he dashed several large pieces of firewood to the ground, one of them catapulting back up unexpectedly.

Hoss was occupying himself playing in the back of the family wagon with his few homemade toys, lovingly crafted by his father, when he heard a cry of pain from outside that sounded a lot like his only brother. The little cherub-like three-year-old peeked around the canvas tarp at the back of the wagon to observe Adam come running toward the vehicle while clutching his left arm. As he got closer and then ran by, Hoss was startled and frightened to see tears making tracks down Adam's face. His brother never cried.

The wagon swayed and creaked slightly as Adam climbed up into the front of it. Little Hoss froze with trepidation to see what would happen next. He heard a quiet sobbing as boxes and drawers were opened and slammed shut. A cry of frustration rose into the air then silence as Adam sat down heavily on a nearby trunk while rubbing his bruised elbow where the piece of wood had struck it hard. Out of the silence came anguished words, sobbed out, that Adam's hidden brother wouldn't understand until he was much older.

"Oh, Ma, I wish you were here, you always knew exactly where the liniment was…Pa…Pa never puts it away right. You always knew exactly how to find things Pa and I lost. Why did you have to leave us! What is wrong with me that both…that both of my…my mothers would die?" The sobs came louder and more drawn out until, at last, they dissipated as slowly as they had built.

Hoss, fright long replaced by concern, had a sudden idea that he thought would definitely make his brother feel better. Quickly rummaging around in a nearby basket, his chubby hand sought out and captured a green bottle. The little boy carefully descended from the tail of the wagon and ran around on stubby legs to the front of it. He grunted as he climbed the short way up until his red mop of hair had popped into view above the wagon seat.

Hoss saw his brother sitting silently with his head cast down, his forearms resting on his knees and his hands dangling listlessly between his legs. Adam didn't take notice of his little brother until the child practically fell into his lap while climbing across the many items of furniture packed every which way in the large wagon.

"Ouch! Watch it, Hoss!" Adam yelped when his right knee made contact with the glass bottle.

"Sorry, Adum," Hoss whimpered plaintively.

Adam stiffened his small back and smiled gently at his charge in an attempt to appear as brave as he desperately wanted to feel. "That's okay, buddy. What have you got there? Can I see?"

His idea returning, Hoss' face lit up with a giggle and he shook his head violently as he put his prize behind his back. "No."

Adam attempted to blarney his way into getting the illusive item, "I'll talk Pa into giving you some of that extra dried-corned-beef if you let me see what you got."

Hesitating at the mention of one of his many favorite treats, Hoss thought long and hard before shaking his little head again, leaving the red hair tousled and wild. "No, Adum. You gotta ta come get id!" He brandished the bottle, daring Adam to take it from him.

His brother's black eyebrows rose in contemplation of the brazen challenge. A grin begin to form as he crept from his perch toward his jubilant brother. "So that's how it's going to be, is it?" he asked devilishly. Hoss squealed and took off out of the vehicle like a scared mouse with the proverbial "cat" close on his heels.

Despite not falling this time, the little boy was no match for his faster brother who circled around the back, waiting for the fleet-footed scamp to reappear. When Hoss came scuttling around the back of the wagon, two quick hands snatched him off his feet amid peals of laughter and shrieks from the unlucky victim. Those same hands expertly sought out and savagely exploited every opportunity to tease the three-year-old's wiggling body while both young boys rolled over and over on the ground.

Soon they both had collapsed side-by-side on the dry grass in a glimpse of happy childhoods. Hoss, of course, still held the hard-won green bottle as compensation for the sweet torture, his brother too kind to take the prize away just for the fun of it. They laid there for several minutes, enjoying the fleeting peace of the moment. Watching the fluffy yet heavy clouds lazily float by and feeling the rough tickle of drought-ridden grass on his neck and back, Adam felt closer to those he had lost than ever before. He knew then that it would be alright. As long as he had his Pa and Hoss, it would be alright.

Little Hoss interrupted pleasant musings by sitting up over his older sibling and offering the final part of his plan held out in his dimpled fist. Adam rolled over and supported himself onto his left elbow, reaching out with his other hand as he did so to receive the proffered bottle. He turned it over and read the label silently, "Cole's Liniment".

Adam felt rooted to the ground in tearful surprise. Inger's liniment bottle. His pa never changed bottles when he bought new medicine, he would simply refill the scratched reminder of a woman's care with the fresh liquid. Even now, the chip on the lip of the bottle reminded Adam of the time when she had dropped it accidentally.

"How did you find this, buddy?"

Hoss lifted his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug. "I don't kn'w. I jist 'membered Pa puttin' it in backet when I had a boo-boo."

Adam continued to stare at the bottle, lost in a trance of memories gone by. Of other times that he had been injured and the horrible-smelling liniment had been coaxed onto his cuts and bruises by his stepmother. He was again interrupted by his little brother.

Hoss scooted close to his big brother and snuggled into Adam's side. "Now you'll be all betta, right, Adum?"

Confused because of not hearing the full extent of the small boy's words, Adam looked down into the face of his Ma's child. "What do you mean, buddy?"

"Don't ya 'member the magic spell?"

Realization dawning, a smile broke out on Adam's face and he pitched his young head back in a belly laugh as he and Hoss performed the ritual on his bruised arm…..

When Hoss entered the room late in that afternoon, he saw a faint smile creeping about on his eldest brother's lips. Adam was deep in slumber but seemed to be having a pleasant dream in contrast with his harsh reality. The big man sighed heavily and lowered himself on the side of the bed. The gentle change in equilibrium coaxed Adam into wakefulness. Seeing Hoss sitting there, Adam reached up to rub his own face and then he smiled gently, the left corner of his handsome mouth turning up in a tired semblance.

"Hey, Hoss."

"Hey, Adam…How ya feelin'?"

Adam chuckled dryly and covered his eyes with his right arm while responding, "Fine as a frog's hair. In fact, I feel good enough to clean out watering holes…but I guess I'll never be doing that again…"

"Don't say that, Adam. The doc said he wasn't sure if you'd recover but he didn't say it was impossible."

Hoss was bewildered to hear a genuinely-amused chuckle build in Adam's chest. "What's so funny?"

Adam stilled and moved his arm to lay it by his head. He looked at Hoss fondly. "You remember our magic spell?"

"Our _what_?" Hoss was afraid that fall had hurt more than just his brother's back.

"Our magic spell and your mother's liniment bottle?"

A light dawned in Hoss' blue eyes, he recalled a liniment bottle and could remember his brother chanting a rhyme while dabbing some of the smelly concoction on cuts and bruises incurred by himself, the rambunctious youngster of old. "I seem to remember something about that but not much."

Adam's eyes grew soft and in a rare nostalgic turn of events, Adam slowly related the story of that day when he, Hoss, had found the lost green bottle. By the end of the story, Hoss was laughing along with his brother but then he had to know the "magic spell" that had been part of their shared childhood. When told, he shook his head and laughed, unbelieving that he would ever believe such a tale. Then he wanted to know the "magic rhyme" too.

Adam frowned and his brow creased as he tried to recall the Swedish words exactly. Then in his rich, deep baritone, proceeded to let each simple syllable roll of his tongue to his brother's ears.

" _Sol ute…sol inne….  
….sol i hjärta…  
…sol i sinne…  
…sol para sol…_"

"What does it mean, Adam?"

From the doorway, Ben's voice interrupted before his eldest could respond. "Sun out, sun in…Sun in your heart, Sun in your mind," he came to stand at the foot of the bed and smiled, "Sun always sun…Aren't you two boys a little old to be chanting nursery rhymes though?"

Hearing his family members snorting in laughter, Joe entered the space tentatively but didn't say anything. Adam raised a hand in greeting. "Sorry about snapping earlier, Joe. I'm done feeling sorry for myself now. Come on in and join the party."

Surprised at the open and matter-of-fact apology, Joe shrugged and sat down on the other side of the bed, opposite his biggest brother.

Hearing the bed groan and feeling its supports bending a little, Adam chuckled, "You know, men, this bed wasn't built for all three of us. Now as much as I like the tender sentiment, why don't you get yourselves off before you dump me on the floor."

Hoss and Joe stood quickly amid apologies and Ben hid a smile while ushering his younger sons out of the room, telling them that their brother needed to rest. Adam closed his eyes but was prevented from falling asleep again by his bed tilting to the left. Ben supported himself by placing a hand on the other side of his son's blanketed legs.

"Whatever made you think of that rhyme, Adam?"

"I was telling Hoss about the spell and it just kind of popped out. Strange isn't it that a childhood fantasy can still be so applicable now?"

"Yes, it is but…," the father looked thoughtful, "…maybe it will work this time too."

Ben smiled and patted one of his eldest's numb legs before rising to leave. Adam sighed and closed his eyes. Yes, maybe the little dwarf from Inger's often-told story would come because of the smell of the strong liniment and the "spell" to knit the hurting parts of his body back together while he slept. As he drifted to sleep, the words to the rhyme left his mouth again in a fading whisper,

"Sol ute…sol inne….  
….sol i hjärta…  
…sol i sinne…  
…sol…para sol…"

At the exact moment when Adam lost conscious thought, the sun broke through its gray prison and sent its warm beams streaming through his window, the yellow rays coming to envelope the bed and touching the man in it with hopeful warmth. Another smile played on Adam's face as the unearthly odor of liniment seemed to be able to be smelled and a tinkling laughter could be heard in his approaching dream…

In his own bedroom, Ben opened a drawer in his dresser and took out a wooden box. Opening it, he withdrew a small green bottle…

 _The Swedish rhyme is authentic and is one of many charming children's rhymes that can be found from Sweden. You can check out more at this website,_ Swedish Rhymes, _if you so choose. Also, "Cole's Liniment" is a real liniment sold in common places during this time period. I wish I could remember what website exactly that I got that information from but alas, it was a while ago! Thank you for reading!_


End file.
